Watch ye therefore, and pray always, that ye may be accounted worthy
to escape all these things that shall come to pass, and to stand before the Son of
man. - Luke 21:36
Watch ye therefore, and pray always, that ye may be accounted worthy
to escape all these things that shall come to pass, and to stand before the Son of
man. - Luke 21:36
I am married to my first wife and have been since 1982. We have seven children and they are all believers and walk in the salvation provided by Jesus Christ. Therefore, I have no personal motive on how to treat a second wife other than trying to forward the will of God.
Many others contending to forward the will of God believe that if a Christian was previously married, or at least if the wife was previously married, they should separate or divorce. They use this quote from Jesus for the basis of their argument:
But I [Jesus] say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. - Matthew 5:32
However, did Jesus command the man who marries “her that is divorced” to divorce his wife once he sees this verse? Is she even his wife? Are they lawfully married? What does Jesus mean when he says, “saving for the cause of fornication”? Before you divorce your wife, please prayerfully consider some other passages of the sacred scripture as we seek God’s will on this topic. For the Lord also said:
Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. - Malachi 2:15b
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. - Mark 10:9
For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away. - Malachi 2:16a
As a Christian, have you, or do you know others who use Matthew 5:32 to teach men to separate from their wives? The premise of this study is the warning Jesus plainly gave “let not man put asunder” Miriam and Aaron once erred in speaking against a marriage. You can read the whole account in Numbers 12.
And Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Ethiopian woman whom he had married: for he had married an Ethiopian woman. - Numbers 12:1
Unless God tells you personally that he did not join them together, like Aaron, you may be walking on thin ice.
And the anger of the LORD was kindled against them
[Miriam and Aaron for speaking against Moses]; and he departed. And the
cloud departed from off the tabernacle; and, behold, Miriam became leprous,
white as snow: and Aaron looked upon Miriam, and, behold, she was leprous.
And Aaron said unto Moses, Alas, my lord, I beseech thee, lay not the sin
upon us, wherein we have done foolishly, and wherein we have sinned. Let
her not be as one dead, of whom the flesh is half consumed when he cometh
out of his mother's womb.
- Numbers 12:9-12
The prophet Malachi says, “The LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away”. This is the theme of the Bible. While there are many examples of fornication and adultery in scripture, there are no instances where the Lord took delight in or commanded a married couple to get a divorce (We will examine chapter 10 of Ezra).
David committed a terrible sin with Bathsheba, committing both adultery and murder. Shortly after murdering Bathsheba’s husband:
David sent and fetched [Bathsheba] to his house, and she became his wife, and bore him a son. But the thing that David had done displeased the LORD. - 2 Samuel 11:27b
Though God rebuked David’s sin through the prophet Nathan and David repented of his sin. He did not command David to divorce Bathsheba. Is it possible that God cared about Bathsheba? Where might she have ended up if David had dumped her?
13. And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand.
14. Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.
15. And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
16. For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously. - Malachi 2:13-16
One reason God hates divorce is that he is looking for godly children. Our interpretation of Scripture must do the same thing, that is not hinder the raising of godly children. I have known some couples, who in trying to obey the church elders separated. In every case, the children suffered, many becoming bitter against the Lord. Look at this doctrine of divorce. It hurts the children!
Some brothers teach that it is okay to remarry or remain remarried if only the husband had a previous spouse. However, they must separate if the woman comes from a previous marriage. They use the following text as proof.
But I [Jesus] say unto you, […] whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. - Matthew 5:32
They note that Jesus did not say anything in the passage that forbade a woman from marrying a man who was divorced. Jesus may have named only the woman because it was a polygamist culture, a husband could take a second wife and still reconcile to his first one. However, once a wife remarries she can never reconcile with her first husband. For those under the law it would be an abomination. Moses taught:
When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it
come to pass that she find no favor in his eyes, because he hath found some
uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give
it in her hand, and send her out of his house
And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's
wife. And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of
divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or
if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife;
Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his
wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the
LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God
giveth thee for an inheritance. - Deuteronomy 24:1-4
Even though today’s culture frowns on polygamy, there may have be some good reasons for it in a culture. First, it was the way Israel supported a childless widow (See Deuteronomy 25:5-10). Perhaps after a battle, there could be a shortage of men and polygamy could provide support and a family to an otherwise single women. This study is not an argument for polygamy, yet when ancient Israel esteemed to the law, even with polygamy, they had a more Godly culture then we have today. Today we consider split families and fatherless households as being normal.
Because polygamy is a sin in our culture, it is impossible for a husband who has remarried to be reconciled to his first wife without divorcing his second. Is it not than the same sin in our culture, to marry him that is divorced, as it was in ancient Israel to marry her that is divorced?
Marriage is not what God hates. He hates divorce.